How to Fully Enjoy YOUR Adult Space: A Review for Tuft + Needle

As a mom, our bedroom has become one of my favorite places in our very old home. Our large windows face a gorgeous park and the sunlight is always on-point, beaming off the white walls and our over-sized bed. Our two kids' bedrooms are directly across from ours and since they were teeny tiny, they've always known that their room is THEIR room--just like Mommy and Daddy's room is OUR room. It's not that my bedroom has ever been off limits to them, but we work hard to ensure that we always have a nice and cleaned up adult space that we can escape to as needed. 

When the seasons shift, I typically get in the mood to go on a re-arranging spree. Thank God my husband not only tolerates it, but loves it equally, and he's always the muscles behind it all. So this fall, as soon as the temperatures dropped below eighty-degrees, our windows were opened, the curtains came down to be washed, and we started to move things around. I grabbed my DoTerra diffuser and put in some drops of cinnamon and orange, turned that baby on and voila, fall scented room! 

For years though, my husband has voiced his discomfort in our old bed. It had served us pretty well for the last seven years of marriage, but his snoring was getting out of control and it was getting much harder for him to sleep on his sides when I would whisper, "Asa, roll over!" As an avid Instagram lover, I saw a ton of my online friends using a mattress from a U.S. store called Tuft and Needle. I decided to shoot them an e-mail and inquire, and it's complete thanks to THEM that we have a brand new mattress AND that my husband (and I) are sleeping SO much better. 

Let me get sidetracked just a little and tell you about this mattress, may I? 

-This mattress is made of a soft and comfortable foam, and it has two layers of pliable give, offering a HUGE remedy for sleepers who struggle with back pain. 

-The layers of engineered foam (created by makers of Tuft and Needle themselves!) are designed to improve cooling while sleeping--I don't know about you, but I am a HOT sleeper and so is my husband. This is a HUGE perk for us and one we can seriously tell a difference from our previous box-spring mattress. 

-The mattress was SUPER easy to set-up (though it does take two people, regardless of what my stubborn "do it himself" husband says); we just opened the box, cut open the vacuum sealed liner and bam, it rolled and stretched itself out! 

-Tuft and Needle has a 100-day trial period and you can send it back with a 100% refund should you have any qualms with it--we DON'T, and we've been enjoying it for several weeks now. However, if this product ISN'T for you, rest assured that you'll be taken care of! 

-There is a 10-year warranty on this mattress and to me, that's just amazing. If there's one thing that I know for certain in talking with representatives from this company, it's that they CARE about you and your sleep. 

-Both my husband and I are sleeping a lot better. Honestly, I never had too much issue from our old mattress, but he did. So he tells me that he wakes less groggy and that his joints and back are not in ANY pain. For a 6'4'' dude, that's a big deal. So I'm super grateful! 

SO! Recently we put freshly cleaned bedding on our brand new bed (gray tones are my favorite, no matter the season), I ordered a new print from Luminous Prints with our tattooed phrase, "I Choose You," and I put a few pumpkins scattered around. We have a Bath and Body Works Pumpkin Pie candle burning often, the curtains open all day everyday, and we love to curl up under a fuzzy blanket and unwind after the kiddos are in their beds for the night.

Having an adult space? It's important. Our room is always the place that I go when I need a moment to recharge. It's always where my Golden Retriever and orange cat Alfredo like to rest; there's almost nothing I love more than to plop down beside them to just take a moment to unwind and breathe. Thank you, Tuft and Needle for our gifted mattress! 

How do YOU all cozy-ify your bedroom? [That's a word, right?] And what are some seasonal switches that you like to do when the temps start to change? 

No More When/Then: Finding Contentment in the Here and Now

Have you ever thought, "When I do _________ then I'll be truly happy." Or if you've probably heard, "You know, when I reached thirty I really figured myself out." And, "When I turned forty, I completely stopped caring what other people thought; I became more secure in who I was." 

Currently, the sun is setting, the breeze is blowing, our globe lights are lit on the deck, my sleeping grey cat is nestled next to me, and I just took a deep breathe.

In.

And out. 

I'm working through the marvelous book Wild and Free by two dear, Christian sisters. I've never been fond at writing in books because I've always thought, "What if I re-sell these or give them to someone else?" but recently I decided to highlight the ish out of whatever speaks to my heart. Talk about self-therapy! It's helped me process words and thoughts SO much more effectively. So on page 132 it says, "We weren't living our dream life, and we certainly weren't living anyone else's dream. But we were alive by the skin of our teeth. We were still together, still standing, and still calling on the name of the Lord." [highlight, highlight, highlight!!!]

Coming from someone who has always had the mindset: When and Then, that paragraph was a major conviction. I mean seriously, for the past few years while I've struggled immensely with finding contentment, my life kind of flashed before my eyes. Here I am, twenty-eight years old, a wife of almost eight years, a mother of two children and I have to stop and remind myself: "We are still together, we are still here, and we daily call on the Lord." 

Not too long ago I wrote an article called, "Why I Stopped Telling My Son to be Big and Strong." There I shared a tidbit of how I've literally wished my entire life away and how I am trying to teach him how to be present. I always wanted a boyfriend and longed for independence; then I moved six hours away and now desperately miss my Michigan home. I dated and longed for marriage (well, only when I had met my husband because prior to him I didn't think I'd GET married.) Then babies. Then a teaching degree. Then a Masters. Then photography. And more photography. And to quit my day job and to stay home with my babies. I've wished for my dream home--ya'll know which one: the white farmhouse with the wrap around porch (that doesn't yet exist or in the very least, we can't find it...)--it has chickens and horses and barn cats and gorgeous green grass for miles on end. 

But wait. 

My happiness can't, or shouldn't, depend on my circumstances. My life is not awaiting peace and complete astounding joy only WHEN I sit on that future (completely hypothetical) front porch. I don't want to "find myself" in two years when I turn thirty (omg..) I don't want to live in the When/Then state of mind anymore.

Sometimes I'm an emotional wreck over the fact that my kids are getting bigger. Newborns, a year, the two's and three's; all these years have been indescribable; they're wrapped in pure chaos but contagious laughter and sweet memories. I fear them getting older--will life be as sweet when they're five, six, ten, fifteen, thirty-five, fifty? All of you experienced moms to older children are reading this and saying, "Duh, Ashley. Don't be dumb." But this is only to show you that seriously, finding and resting in contentment is for ME, continuously challenging. 

I hope that wherever you are in life, you can take a moment as you read and breathe deeply.

In. 

And out. 

Do you have people in your life who love you? Do you KNOW that you are loved? That wherever you are, whatever you've done, you've accomplished some pretty great things? Life might not be going "as you planned." Your heart may long for something deeply; pregnancy, a baby, lots of babies, marriage, to be more fit, to be more secure, to find THE right guy or gal...

I don't know what you long for. But I have absolute faith that God does. 

If you have Wild and Free, will you please turn to pages 135-139? I won't sit here and type out word for word what these ladies say, but there is something here that really meant a lot to me and that I think YOU too will benefit from hearing:

"Wild women are secure in their identity because their eyes are on the Lord...Wild women live at ease with all their weaknesses and strengths, sin and spiritual gifts, because they are inextricably rooted in a God who covers and uses it all...A wild woman doesn't have time or space to feel insecure, because her thoughts and affections are for Him and for how immeasurably great He is" (135). 

Ya'll... I am a blessed woman. But I think you are too. As I sit out back, my kids are pulled up on the monitor via my phone and they are sound asleep. Crickets are chirping, birds are saying their good-nights. Tree frogs are croaking, my cat ditched me but my massive dogs lay beside me, helping me feel safe and protected. Right now there is no When/Then even remotely crossing my mind. Because for right now, God has met me here. 

"For I know the plans I have for you...Plans to prosper you, not harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future"-Jeremiah 29:11

Hugs, Sisters and Friends. I love you all. 

The Giant Balancing Act of Marriage

True story, I've known at several points in my marriage that I really struck gold, but there is one memory forever lodged in my brain that I pray I'll never forget. It's a huge reason why we work well together and also why I don't completely fall apart.

It was the day I discovered that I was pregnant with our second child. My husband was cooking us lunch (he's the Chef, so duh he's a keeper!) and our seven month old son was napping. I saw those two straight lines on the Clearblue© test and a string of profanity escaped my mouth. I couldn't hold them in, just like I couldn't hold back the tears. I was terrified, panicked, feeling significantly inadequate and I screamed for him to come. 'What the (insert word of choice here) are we going to DO?!" I cried. Do you want to know what that man did?

He bent down, while his wife of five years still sat on the toilet, kissed the top of my head, and said, 'We're going to have a BABY!' as he beamed from ear to ear.

Was he panicking inside? Sure, a little. But he held it together, unlike me. He was the first to text our family (my brother thought it was a joke...) and he sat next to me as I called my mother crying. Maybe you think, "Well he probably wants a dozen babies so that's why he was so excited." He doesn't. WE don't (ha). He is steadfast in his reliance on our God and he's so stable. He didn't take the road of doubt, wondering how raising two children fifteen months apart from one another would turn out, he just believed.

When you ask your friends, 'How long have you been married?' what is the number in your head that represents "a long time?" Seven years may not sound like a lot, but now that I'm here, in that year, it sounds like a significant length of time to be a wife. I have a lot to learn, but man have we endured a lot over these years! One thing stays present though as time passes on. One thing that only gets better, more loving and more gracious: him.

Over our Christmas break this year, he and I sat in the living room drinking tea and talking quietly by the soft glow of our tree. Our kids go to bed around eight o'clock and while many nights I need to edit photos or work on blogging assignments, we make an effort to often just chill. (Who knew that having a full-length conversation when you are with your toddlers is almost impossible?! Between the, 'Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom--look!' and the 'Dad, Dad, Dad, Daddy!' discussing life goals and where we are at inwardly just ends up having to wait.) We were talking about how magical it had been with our kids and how their delight in all things Christmas had been so energizing. I started to say something like, "I can't wait to stay home with the kids before Pierson (our son) goes to Kindergarten," and in my head, I pictured that being another few years away. (My kids don't age in my heart; or at least I'm in denial that they do...) My husband quickly said, "Ash, next year is his last year at home before he starts school."

Um. What?! When our son was born I would romantically envision staying home with him at some point after maternity leave. "Oh my gosh," I said. "I have to quit my job." His response? It brought me straight back to my bathroom memory--his eyes staring dead into mine, his firm but gentle voice reassuring me that though I may not have it altogether, he does. He looked at me and said, "Alright, let's figure that out!"

From there the planning continued. I would never be able to take time off from teaching if I didn't have other paid hobbies (photography + writing), so we've been intentionally saving money and praying, a LOT. The fact is though, he's never faltered. While I'm the Dreamer and he's much more of a Realist, we balance each other out. I tend to feel emotions tenfold, and often I emotionally throw-up because I don't know how to process otherwise; he is so good at talking me through those moments, helping me breathe and think more steadily. If you asked him though, he would tell you he doesn't see six inches past his face. In other words, he plans what's for dinner tomorrow night and I'm scheming our horse farm. It doesn't mean we are completely opposite, it just means we need each other.

There's a give and a take, a push and a pull. He cooks, I clean much more thoroughly. I would like to say we rotate with laundry, but the truth is, we both hate it and end up doing thirty loads together ;)  When I'm at my breaking point with the kids, he jumps right in and vice versa. He is super kinesthetic and loves to work with his hands, while I am more artistic and enjoy creating things. Getting muddy with the kids is right up his alley, while I prefer to paint. 

 Before I got married, I never thought men like my husband existed. I was never treated (in relationships) the way that he treats me. I remember my Ex took me to watch My Friend Flicka in the theatre. I sat there and ugly girl cried through the ENTIRE thing. I've always been that way--you show me a horse movie, I am GOING to cry. It's what my heart beats for, dreaming of having my own will eternally be my happy place. But it annoyed him. "You are WAY too emotional," he said. Soon, I said a loud, 'Buh-BYE' to that relationship and shortly after, met my husband. I know you would love to hear another embrarassing moment of truth: HE took me to see Step Up in the theatre and there too, I began to openly weep. THIS time, because a character in it reminded me of my childhood best guy friend! (Justin, this one's for you, Mr. Blue Glasses, spiky hair kid!) Instead of calling me over emotional (or getting offended because it was a guy friend that I missed!), my husband put his arm around my shoulder and loved me anyway. I remember thanking him when we left, for not calling me overly emotional or pushing me away! 

I hope that from this you are either thinking of the many ways you and your spouse compliment each other, or you are inspired to find the right Godly man that God has in store for you. (Or you're thinking, "My Lord, this girl is crazy!" and that's okay too! No matter what happens, at the end of the day, I know who I am coming home to and good golly, my heart is in love! 

I choose him day in and day out and thank God he has chosen me too.  To Mr. Rochester, Jane Eyre said,  “I know what it is to live entirely for and with what I love best on earth. I hold myself supremely blessed—blessed beyond what language can express; because I am my husband’s life as fully as he is mine.” So right was she, that a husband and wife should compliment one another with their attributes. For the man to love his wife so truly and for the wife to love her husband so fondly.

Balance. It's essential and so vital to a happy and healthy marriage. If my husband said, "Okay let's go do that!" to EVERY dream I had? We would be so poor. And not very happy. And if I didn't help him see the possibilities that exist within certain goals, he may not be excited to dream with me.

What is one word of advice you could offer to couples? What gives and takes exist in your relationships? Focusing on the good, in what ways do you compliment one another? I would love to hear from you in the comments below or shoot me an e-mail to ashleyglassphotography {at} gmail.com

Chapter Two: Wanna Tag Along?

Photo by: Aubrey Renee

Morning came, my eyes were pretty swollen from a good night's cry and like most college students, the first thing I did was check Facebook. 1 new message. From Asa Glass: "Well, it was my feeble attempt to help you do better with your tests...You really should ask Jill (roommate) for that back rub if you have no one else to do it. How were the tests anyway?"  I smiled. My heart and soul were so not interested in a relationship, or so I had been telling myself, but this guy was super sweet. I responded with a little longer message; friendly and casual, I continued about my day.

I wanted to respond to Ashley’s email in a friendly way that invited her to respond to me. It’s not my style to be patient, or to be “breezy,” as Monica Geller would say. I cannonball into love, make a splash, and usually scare everyone out of the pool. To this day, I’m not entirely sure how I managed to keep my cool in the early going with Ashley. We were exchanging messages regularly but I made a very conscience decision not to “friend” her on Facebook (we live in a weird time people) until she friended me. Each time she sent me a message, I made sure to send one back in similar length. I matched her tone with mine. I felt like I was actually pulling off “breezy!"  Inwardly though, I was losing my cool every time I got a notification from her. I checked my phone every ten minutes (okay, way more). I was going to reach a breaking point in my breezy so I made a move.

Sending and receiving messages from Asa was starting to become a normal part of my day that I sincerely looked forward to. His name came up way more in my phone conversations with Mom and I actually began to wonder if we would cross paths again. Surely we would right, I loved that coffee shop and we were messaging one another multiple times a day. I was still working through a lot of my grief at this time, allowing my heart to mend from the hurt it had endured my freshman year. It soon dawned on me, that with every note I received from Asa, my heart felt less burdened, less broken. He asked me inquisitive questions, and I loved writing thoughtful responses. He made me think, question and help me understand myself a little more each day. One morning, the sun and birds woke me earlier than normal and I hopped out of bed. I opened my laptop and logged into Facebook, 1 new message. I read the first two lines and in between the panic of my hair being scraggly and in need of a wash, I jumped for joy.

 “I’m going to the park to take my dog for a long walk. Want to tag along?” I wrote. And then I waited. I waited for what felt like an eternity. I had asked her to actually see me, spend time with me. I wouldn’t have to option of the backspace button to change something I had said. I was nervous and anxious, assuming all the excuses she would give me about why she couldn’t and then…she said yes.

There was something about that message that told me I was going to marry this man. That's insane, I completely agree. But it's like there was some hidden message in his question, "Want to tag along?" that said, "You're going to be the one I will marry." I hurried to get dressed and threw on comfortable jeans and applied minimum makeup. I felt like I was meeting an old friend, regardless of the fact that I had known him less than a week. My heart was pounding loudly, my hands felt a little shaky, but it all felt familiar; there was a lack of fear, which was extremely unusual for my scared-of-relationships-self.

We met at Sunergos that morning before going to the park. True to form, my idiot Chocolate Lab, all 100 lbs of energetic puppy, bounded right at her and practically knocked her to the ground, all before I could say hello. True to Ashley’s form, she smiled through the gut check from Humphrey, walked to me and gave me a big hug. Our first. A moment I pray I never forget. We then went to Cherokee Park and walked for hours. We talked about everything and nothing. We laughed and day dreamed. She told me about her family, her life, her walk with God. I noticed about half way through our walk that I had butterflies, but no anxiety. I could feel my blood racing and my heart pounding, but there was no fear. This girl was different.

There are only so many hours you can walk at a park before you have to admit you are no longer walking the dog, but on a date. After probably three full hours, we decided we needed food. We headed to Qdoba because they had outdoor seating and Humphrey could join us. She only agreed if I let her pay for her own meal. I didn’t. I paid. I wasn’t going to let this day be anything less than a date with this gorgeous, interesting, funny blonde that I was falling for. She could be mad later, today we were on a date.

Part of my whole "this will be the year I'm going to be single" was enforcing the rule: no dates. I wouldn't allow a guy to pay for my meal, at all. So I told Asa, "Sure, I'll go to Qdoba, but I have to pay for mine." We went through the line, I'm sure I ordered some vegetarian burrito with a diet coke, and started to pull out my bank card but I was two seconds two slow; he was already ahead of me and paying for both our meals. Oh crud, I thought. But a smile began to form and my heart said, "He is different." We sat in the sunshine, his insanely hyper dog was meanwhile drooling all over me and couldn't take his eyes off my meal. Asa commanded Humphrey to be still and to sit and he listened. I could read the love between them, it was obvious that Humphrey's entire heart beat for this man. Little did I know that very soon, so would mine.

After nearly six hours together, I started the slow drive back to Sunergos. We pulled in to the back of the coffee shop and she thanked me for perhaps the strangest thing I’ve ever been thanked for: “Thank you for not asking for my number. For allowing this to go slow.” I think I responded with, “I figure you’ll give it to me when you want me to have it.” What I actually wanted to say was, “I desperately want your number, but I am terrified that I will run you away. And I can’t run you away. I can’t. I have to be breezy at least this once because I can’t take a broken heart again.”

When I got out of his car, I looked at the clock. We had just spent an entire day together and it flew by. If I hadn't had deadlines to meet and exams to study for, I would have probably found some other excuse to lengthen our time together. I opened the back door of my house and walking to my bedroom in a daze. I remember opening the windows and flopping on to my bed, re-capping the day in full. He asked me to go for a walk with his dog, we got lunch, he paid, we talked and talked for hours on end... it was a date. And I was feeling okay with it. I opened Facebook and opened our message history. I read and re-read. I prayed for a few minutes and before starting a new line, I hit the button, "Request Friend." Then I sent him something short and sweet; at the very end, including my number. I couldn't really think straight, there was something about Asa. He was so calm, level-headed, rational, kind, passionate and absolutely, 100%, a complete and Godly gentleman. My heart wasn't ready for this but it also didn't ask. Love is funny like that--it doesn't check with you first, it doesn't follow rules or regulations. Love just leaps. And I was diving head first.

She hugged me goodbye, I’m sure I said something like, “I’ll see you soon” and she said, “I’ll message you later”.  After six hours, she still had more to say, and wanted more from me. I drove away thanking God for her, asking for patience and to trust His timing. Later that night I got two things from Ashley: A Facebook friend request and a message with her number. And just like that, I was done being breezy. I was done playing it cool. Love isn’t a game; it isn’t about playing it safe. Love is real and raw. Love shouldn’t be tamed. Turns out, we both felt the same way.