Walking through Negative Self Image [and Here for You Too!]

If we could keep a literal log of how many times we complimented other people, I wonder what it would be. How quick are we to tell our friend how cute or pretty she looks today, or compliment someone’s hair, outfit, smile, etc. Especially if words of affirmation come naturally to you, I feel like this number would be pretty high, right?

Now about a log for how often you compliment YOURSELF…?

Ouch.

This is a place where honesty and transparency are strong values for me. This is a space where I confide, vent, share, (sometimes overshare), and attempt to uplift or encourage you, wherever you are, whoever you are. So let’s chat just for a minute about where I’m at. Turning 34 in 18 days, mom of two (8 and 9), wife of 13 years, church goer, Jesus lover, full time teacher, horse owner, dog and cat owner, part time photographer, oily obsessed woman.

And that woman is STRUGGLING when she looks in a mirror, or passes by ANYTHING that shows her reflection.

Now that you’ve read that sentence and your brain is processing it—I remind and ask you not to judge. However old of a person or woman you are, PLEASE do not ‘come at me’ for these negative thoughts. If this hasn’t been an area of struggle for you, like ever, than this may not resonate with you, but I think that’s okay. I’ve been a little quiet on “the internet” about this because sometimes I feel more sensitive than I did years ago. (It’s like I’m a giant mixture of Zero F’s to give and ‘ouch that really hurt my feelings’ kinda gal lately??) But the more it’s been sitting in my heart and thoughts the more I’ve asked myself, ‘WHY aren’t you sharing about this??”

So here we are, y’all. Total honesty.

My businesses require me to show my face, a LOT, online. Yep, that was my decision and it’s one honestly I’m pretty proud of. I’ve had no shame really showing up in my Instagram stories ‘chatting with you’ from afar. And we all love the pretty filters (not ALL the filters, good Lord there are some that literally CHANGE our entire FACES…those are disturbing.) But c’mon, SOME filters are what make IG a little more fun! So I have a few favorites. And I’ve noticed LATELY…even with filters, (Midnight Sun is my fave if you’re wondering), I am feeling more insecure than ever about showing my face. And because REAL LIFE does not have HAVE a filter slapped on it, it’s been even MORE hard for me to look in a real mirror or pass by one. At work in the fluorescent bathroom lighting or even in my own home in natural light…I cringe. I complain. I feel burdened and sad (a little depressed honestly) and I’ve cried several times when trying to process it aloud with my husband.

I’m getting older. (Duh, Ashley..) and my face is changing. A LOT. It seems kind of drastic to me the difference in appearance I see within it in the past six months even. For SO long I have complained about ‘baggy’ or ‘puffy eyes’ and each day is different than the one before it. And then while researching I had an AHA moment when I found articles on the tear trough region. OMG THAT’S ME. I realized. My under eye is CHANGING. I’m getting OLDER. I guess I’m losing volume in my cheeks?! And I get asked, OFTEN, if I am tired or if I have been crying. (Thanks..) and the answer is NOPE.

This isn’t a post on tear troughs though. It’s one about negative self image and how I am hoping and praying to work through it.

Lately it feels like a lot. It’s easy for me to struggle with obsessive thoughts (add that to the list of Ashley’s worries) and I tend to be having them a lot with negative self-image. Every year that goes by I keep pushing away. Getting older. It’s obvious. Slightly mundane. And it’s inevitable. I blinked and was suddenly in my thirties—and the same will be true for my forties, fifties, sixties, and beyond (if blessed to live that long right?)

Today I asked my husband to pray with me. Our pastor had a GREAT lesson and during our time of communion left this question on the screen, ‘Other than the cross, what trust structures are you looking to for happiness, significance, and security?’ As I prayed, I knew that I have been placing my trust and security in my self-image. I have been feeling as though my WORTH resides there…that I won’t be as likable or lovable if I don’t love what I see in my reflection. Asa prayed with me when we got home and tears rolled down my cheeks. And then I became annoyed as I said, “SEE? I won’t even let myself REALLY cry because I don’t want my eyes to be even PUFFIER!”

It’s what HE shared with me that I think may help you too, my beloved reader. He has been so sweet and assuring, reminding me often that I need to find my faith and hope in something greater than physical appearances. That our (my) self-image should not be the paramount thing leading and giving me direction and purpose in life. I honestly do not in this moment believe I will wake up in the morning and suddenly LOVE what I see. Nor feel super accepting about it. But how will I react, behave, and live my life out even if that’s the case. My GOAL in life is to be Christ’s Ambassador. To LOVE others: people, coworkers, family, friends, acquaintances, to love YOU.

I feel undeserving of so many in my life who love me. Who have put up with my texts and loved me through my insecurities. I’ve dialogued a lot with one of my sister in law’s about life (so of course THIS topic) and one of her texts almost made me cry. I told Asa that between him, her, and others, I should feel like a Princess. And truthfully, I SHOULD. I KNOW that I am loved. I KNOW that when you look at me, you do not SEE what I see. So perhaps after reading this, you can help me hold me accountable. I may need a gentler spirit these days and a few more affirmations, but just stick with me.

I also want to state that I do not believe it is wrong or sinful to want to look good. I really think we all (most?!?) WANT to feel beautiful. But desiring to look good on the outside should not be our stronghold, it should not be greater than our desire to be one with God. I’ve needed a ginormous reality check and believe me, I’ve had one. I don’t think I instantly become more secure after reading affirmations or even praying (often), but my goal is to continue to show up ANYWAY. Love others MORE than I love myself. Love my husband and kids and family and friends and YOU, more than I care about my tear troughs. [Okay, typing that just made me giggle a little. I 100% realize how silly this may sound to you, my tolerant reader.]

If you need a virtual hug, shoot me an email. Let’s connect. I’m here for you and I am so thankful that you are here for me too.

Beating Back Fear

I wouldn’t say I am afraid of a lot of things, but there seems to be a pattern for me. As a hard worker and an ‘achiever’ mindset kinda gal, I live a face paced and busy lifestyle. The one word (that I’ve definitely blogged about before) that seems to surface from time to time is this:

F A I L U R E

Now I know, no one LIKES failing. And the interesting thing to me is that I wouldn’t ever call myself a failure. But when I evaluate the fear I am facing, I can see that deep down it feels like failing and I fear it so badly.

Over three years ago I had my ‘traumatic fall’ (as I call it) off my Paddy. Y’all know that. The fall was so bad, my face was so bashed up, and the perineum tear I experienced was well, nothing you want to hear abut here. I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to work through the FEAR of riding him, ever again. I constantly doubted if I could ride WELL, at least. Or that I’d be able to trust him. Three years later, I take that boy all across open fields and work so hard in the arena, trotting and cantering and learning how to be a team. It’s been so fun and incredible to feel the growth with Paddy. (Don’t misinterpret me, he and I are always learning. And sometimes, I DO feel fear while upon his back, but oh man it’s been awesome to be able to work through it.)

I can’t chalk our growth and my ability to ride him freely just up to ME though. I had a helper. A beautiful, sweet, saint of a helper—and his name is Rocco.

Recently Rocco and I had our first major scare, together. It’s a very long story that truthfully I don’t want to bore my non-horsey readers with, but the moral of the story is that he is even more scared of my Paddy and the other geldings in Paddy’s field, than I ever realized. (We recently switched Rocco fields to be with the ‘good boys,’ two other older and more docile horses than Paddy’s field—who tend to be territorial and more Alpha in behaviors.) While riding Rocco PAST his old pasture, Paddy approached him (keep in mind, IN his pasture), pinned his ears back at Rocco, and Rocco lost his mind. He spun and backed up and ran into the fence behind him, and tried to bolt and did all the things and I was freaking OUT.

I am just not experienced ENOUGH to have been able to help him work through that, especially ON his back. I yelled, I reacted, I was gripped with fear. It was a terrible feeling…one that I was familiar with before. And I hated it.

F E A R

“One of the greatest threats to mental and emotional health is fear…it sends us into fits of anxiety and panic,” (-Rebekah Lyons)

I ended up dismounting (truthfully I thought I was for SURE going to fall off) and I was so angry. And I felt so BAD for being so angry. I felt like in a split second, my confidence was ripped away from me, while on my confidence boosting horse. I led him back to the barn, got back on, and rode to the arena. Riding to the arena was fine. I wasn’t scared or fearful to be on his back. But the thought of going back down that driveway and potentially riding past Paddy’s field again?? That I couldn’t handle…Back in the barn, tears started streaming. As I replayed the events to my barn friends, I confessed what a failure I was feeling like. (Thank God for barn sisters to hug and to preach rational truth into me!)

…”Instead of avoiding the things we fear, we might consider confronting them. Fear holds us back and keeps us believing the lie that we aren’t strong enough, brave enough, or mentally tough enough to break out of our ruts…”

It’s been two days. I am itching to get back to the barn and to hug Rocco again. I know he is struggling with anxiety (with those particular horses for some reason) and I know he needs me. He needs me to be strong…to be calm, to be patient, to be CONFIDENT. My trainer gently reminded me, “Sometimes we need them for confidence, and other times they need us for confidence.” I know horses are majestic creatures. I know they speak their own language, they feel deeply, and they can be such sensitive souls. I feel a lot of fear even thinking about riding down the driveway again, in the event he bolts and spooks and spins all over again. But I am making an action plan and know that taking baby steps to beat back fear, for both us, is going to be okay.

You don’t have to love horses to be able to relate to this post, at least I don’t think so. All of us have had crippling fear at one point or another. One of you reading this is working through fear of your own. Maybe it’s fear of sickness, fear of failure in your marriage or workplace, perhaps it is fear of losing a friend or community. What fears or anxieties do YOU need to overcome? Try making a list and then work through ways you can begin to beat that fear back.

I have been reading Rebekah Lyons book ‘Rhythms of Renewal’ and she has inspired me so much to sit back and think through a lot of things. If you’re looking for a book that talks about the importance of friendship, adventure, exercise, good food, leadership and more, try reading this one. And if you need a friend to help support you while you beat back your fears, just shoot me an email and I’d be happy to connect with you.

xx

Creating a Hygge Home + Happy November!

Fill your diffusers with Vanilla and Christmas Spirit and grab a mug of peppermint cocoa because it's time to get festive! If you haven't yet checked out the holiday items, let's change that! Take a few minutes this weekend, login in to your virtual office, click on the SHOP tab, and select HOLIDAY. There are 37 brand new items that will make great gifts for anyone!

My must haves that I quickly snatched: Winter Nights essential oil (and foaming soap/lotion collection)-- (it's basically the North Pole's signature scent), more Christmas Spirit, Christmas Spirit foaming hand soap, and Vanillamint Lip Balm and Body Butter.

Here are some great ways to help your home get that cozy hygge vibe we all long for when this season comes around.One of the easiest ways to cozy up your home is with scent! Ditch the fragrance and fire up that diffuser, make a room spray or linen spray, and add oils to natural elements like pinecones and garlands!

Try making a room and linen spray!

• North Pole Linen Spray: 2oz glass spray bottle, splash witch hazel, fill with water, and add 10-15 drops each Peppermint, Stress Away + 5-10 drops Vanilla - spritz on flannel sheets, linens, pajamas, anything!

• Thieves Upholstery Spray: 8oz glass spray bottle, 1tsp Thieves Household Cleaner, 10 drops each Cinnamon Bark, Pine, Orange, 5 drops Peppermint, fill with water. Spritz on upholstered furniture, pet beds, rugs, anything!

• Pumpkin Pie Room Spray: 2oz glass spray bottle, splash witch hazel, fill with water, and add 5 drops of clove, 3 of Cinnamon Bark, and 10 drops of Cardamom (this one is my current FAVE)

Other ideas for your home this season:

• Add Peppermint + Vanilla to dryer ball sheets

• Switch out hand soaps for Christmas Spirit, Winter Nights, or whip up a DIY with your favorite festive oils!

• Drop Cinnamon Bark, Vanilla, or Peppermint onto pine cones, garlands, or anything porous you use for decorating

• Add twinkle lights, cozy blankets, and throw pillows for extra texture

What do YOU do to make things cozy at home this time of year? I'd love to bring some extra holiday cheer into your home this season! If you place a 190pv order BEFORE next Saturday (11/13), make sure to add on EITHER a 5mL of Christmas Spirit OR an individual Holiday Lip Balm of your choice, and I will reimburse you for it. You'll need to screenshot your order though and either DM me on Insta or shoot me a text (502-724-5625). The PV must be at least 190pv, and all orders need to be placed by 11/13. Friends already on my oily team, did you know you can change your processing date in your virtual office? Click ‘Subscriptions,’ and you'll see how. You can manually process (that's what I do sometimes!) and it won't mess up or change your date for the following month at all.

Happy Holidays (almost), friends! I’d love to hear from you so don’t ever hesitate to reach out and say HEY!

Nacho Island Night!

A few years ago we went to an epic nacho night at our friends house. They have an incredible island (it’s HUGE) and Asa had the idea to wrap it in parchment paper and throw down some nachos. Well, the last year or so hasn’t allowed to us to ya know, hang OUT with friends…so recently we were extra thankful to host our own epic nacho night with another great couple!

We don’t play when it comes to nachos. They are Asa’s favorite food and a huge family favorite. You can make nachos however YOU like, but here’s how Asa does his:

-Sauté onions and brown your Kentucky Cattlemen’s Ground Beef
-Season with your very taco seasoning
-Top with corn, black beans, tomatoes (jalapeños too if you like!)
-And NEVER skimp out on the QUESO, my friends!

Because of the parchment paper, clean up is SUPER easy!! Basically you each claim a corner of the nacho island and then that’s your very own ‘plate!’ It’s genius, it’s fun, and it’s delicious. Tell us when you try this, I want to hear what YOUR favorite nacho toppings are!