This is 33

This is 33.

12:30a.m. writing this post. When I’m supposed to be long asleep (as my husband is….) Six a.m. will come too quickly, and it’ll be the first time in a little over a YEAR, for me to work IN person, WITH actual people. Tomorrow I go back, and the thought is incredibly surreal. March 13, 2020 I walked out of my classroom, as did most of the world (Kentucky at the very least) and I had no idea what was coming.

For my 32nd birthday we booked a cabin in the woods and thought we would have just a ‘few weeks’ at home. Little did we know, right? We celebrated with lots of hiking, confetti cinnamon rolls, and Asa zoomed his family through his laptop to wish me a happy birthday. I remember being SO weirded out at that, a zoom call?! HA HA!!! It’s been the literal story of my life for a YEAR. Yours too, probably…

“How old do you feel?” I’ve been asked. And you know what… I have NO idea!! Is there actually an age that you feel right now? I’m super curious. I guess if I had to really dwell on it, I still feel like I’m in my twenties, but in a much BETTER way. While I still have insecurities and anxieties, they don’t compare to what twenty-something Ashley used to feel. I have been brushing things off a lot better these days, not hyper-focusing on things that just do not matter. Birthdays are always contemplative for me, so I wanted to share just a few things that I believe I’ve learned and become:

-My time is valuable. I work a full time job and a lot of ‘side’ jobs. I have several businesses and I spend a lot of time WORKING. But the days are fleeting, my kids are growing up SO fast, and I believe with each year that passes, I am reminded that we aren’t guaranteed a set number of days here on Earth. Therefore? I want my yes’s to count, and my no’s to count too. Time is valuable, and I want to make sure that I don’t waste mine.

-It’s OKAY to work and it’s okay to want to make extra income. I have a very big dream (yes, still!) of owning land and being in our forever home surrounded by open spaces. Getting there on two teacher salaries probably isn’t super feasible, so I enjoy being a multi-passionate entrepreneur and working hard to TRY to win a shot at my big dreams. I’m also incredibly grateful to have a husband who is willing to dream alongside me, even though many days I drive him up a wall ;)

-Taking medication for mental wellness is OKAY. I’m sorry, but how many people dealt with more stress and worries and anxiety the last YEAR then quite possibly ever before?! Sometime last summer (I think summer??) my favorite cat was diagnosed with diabetes. That’s a LONG story, but it was the straw that broke my back for a while. We lost our senior dogs back to back, and then we legitimately thought we were losing Manny. I spoke with my doctor and told her I felt my head was spinning constantly, I was having such obsessive and neurotic thoughts and I couldn’t even enjoy LIFE because I was stressing over him ALL THE TIME. Really, Ashley, over a damn cat you got put on anxiety meds? Yup. SHO DID. A baby dose at that, (a friend jokes with me that it was a placebo) and I stopped taking it within a few months (after his diabetes went into remission, like WHAT?!) but I LEARNED that it was OKAY. And if I ever feel I need to be back on it? That’s okay too.

-I’m not for everyone. And that is OKAY. I have been told by more people than I can count now that they are going to ‘unfollow me.’ I have been deleted and blocked on Facebook by family members and I’m sure on Instagram as well and you know what…? That’s okay!! While I may not understand it (I’m a huge advocate for two ways conversations, not one sided judgements) I absolutely encourage everyone to make the decisions that are best for THEM. Okay what I REALLY want to say and I’m going to because it’s my birthday: “No need to announce your exit but regardless, don’t let the door hit you on your way out!” ;)

-Patience. The past year especially has taught me this fruit of the spirit immensely. We couldn’t DO anything the last twelve months. We couldn’t go anywhere. We couldn’t change the circumstances. All we could do was figure out the best way to make our life a happy one and to try our best to love one another, EVERY single day. Teaching from home, our kids learning from home, trying to run my other businesses from home and not being able to GO OUT and take photos (a big part of my living)….PATIENCE.

-Still a night owl. I would rather work until three o’clock in the morning than go to bed at a decent hour and wake up earlier. Nope, nope, nope. I am obviously still a night owl (almost 1 a.m. and my alarm will be going off in five hours. Ouch.)

-I’m a decent runner. Last June I started running more consistently again, and as I began to increase my miles, I decided I wanted to run a mini marathon of my own. The one I ran in 2017 was a horrendous experience for me (the aftermath especially), and I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to do it again…but sure enough, January 30th, when my sweet sister in law was laboring with my nephew in Nashville, I ran 13.2 miles all on my own in the very freezing cold. THIS time I had trained more appropriately, and while I ran I kept thinking, “If she can have a baby, I can keep running.” HA, same thing, right, Beth?? (Lord bless my sister in law, y’all; that’s also another story for another time but she is SUCH a fricken warrior and we are so glad Johnny is here!)

-Jesus > me. The hurt in the world is too vast for me to try to make sense of, but if there’s one thing I have learned over the past year especially, it is that Jesus is bigger than ME. And guess what, He is bigger than YOU too. I do not care what church you attend or that you were a part of, if they are not actively seeking and representing JESUS. Not religion, not rules, not traditions or customs, I want JESUS. And because currently my Asian friends and family and my African American friends and family STILL are questioning whether or not they are worthy and loved!? I am begging for JESUS to be bigger than the noise and hurt. I am praying so hard for Light to overcome the Darkness and that for me personally, I will show light and love to all.

I’m sure there’s more that I could write and expand on, but really this is a pretty good picture of what I look like at 33. Not physically as in the photo above, just who I am. Thirty-two was a good year; a weird one, but good. I was able to stay home with my family every single day…for a year. I pray my kids look back on our time together fondly. That I didn’t yell too much or seem too busy. I hope that they look back and remember our time around the table, the card games, the meals, the walks in the woods and fields with our dogs, the movie nights in our family room, the laughter and the cuddling.

Being a wife and mom is an incredible honor for me and I don’t take it lightly. Here’s to another year around the sun, friends. Let’s see what this one brings…!

A Springtime Cake That Tastes like Sunshine

It’s a first for us to make a gluten AND dairy free cake, and guess what, it was a HUGE success! I did a paid sponsorship with a plant based butter company who wanted an Easter themed recipe; our wheels were spinning and Pinterest came to the rescue (as usual) as we stumbled upon One Lovely Life’s blog and therefore, THIS recipe! This is a bright and tangy lemon cake that not only photographs beautifully, it tastes delectable. Want to give it a whirl? Here’s how:

FOR THE LEMON CAKE:

• 1/2 cup milk (We used unsweetened almond milk)

• 3 Tbsp lemon juice

• 3/4 cup sugar (you can use organic cane sugar, we used regular)

• 2 Tbsp lemon zest (about 2 lemons’ worth)

• 1/2 cup vegan butter (that’s where my sponsorship came in, we used Flora Plant Butter)

• 3 eggs

• 1/2 tsp vanilla extract

• 1 3/4 cup gluten free all purpose flour baking blend (like Bob’s Red Mill 1-to-1 Baking Flour)

• 1 1/2 tsp baking powder

• 1/4 tsp baking soda

• 1/2 tsp salt

FOR THE LEMON-HONEY SYRUP:

• 1 Tbsp honey

• 2 Tbsp lemon juice

FOR THE LEMON GLAZE:

• 1 Tbsp lemon juice

• 2 Tbsp milk (We used almond milk)

• 1/2 tsp vanilla

• 2 cups powdered sugar, sifted

FOR THE CAKE (recipe from One Lovely Life)

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a 9″ cake pan with spray oil and line the bottom with a parchment paper circle*

2. In a liquid measuring cup (or a small bowl), combine lemon juice and milk. Let sit for about 5 minutes.

3. While the lemon juice and milk is sitting, rub lemon zest into the sugar in a large bowl. This gets the lemon oil into the sugar and distributes the flavor really well.

4. Add milk mixture, butter (or avocado oil), eggs, and vanilla. Whisk until well combined.

5. In a medium bowl, stir together flour blend, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Stir the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients and mix until just combined. (Or you can simply sprinkle the dry ingredients over the wet before stirring)

6. Pour into your prepared 9″ cake pan.

7. Bake at 350 degrees F for 25-30 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.

8. Place on a cooling rack in the pan for 10 minutes to cool slightly before turning out onto a plate.

9. While the cake cools slightly, mix up your lemon honey syrup (see below)

10. After 10 minutes cooling in the pan, turn the cake out onto a plate or cake stand and brush with the still-warm cake with lemon honey syrup.

11. When the cake has cooled completely, top with glaze.

FOR THE LEMON-HONEY SYRUP:

1. Stir together lemon juice and honey. Brush over the cake when it’s still quite warm (as soon after removing the cake from the cake pan as you can). Let cake brushed with syrup cool completely before adding the glaze.

FOR THE LEMON GLAZE:

1. Sift powdered sugar into a large bowl. Add lemon juice, milk, and vanilla. Whisk or beat until smooth. (Ideally, you want the glaze to be opaque and to hold its shape when it drips down the sides of the cake. If yours is too thin, add more powdered sugar 1 Tbsp at a time. If it’s too thick, add more milk 1 teaspoon at a time until you reach the right consistency.)

2. Pour glaze over your cooled cake and gently spread it toward the edges. Let some of the glaze run down the sides. Let set completely before cutting and serving.

NUTRITION FACTS: SERVES 12
CALORIES 301

We don’t make a lot of gluten free recipes (like…never….) BUT Bob’s Red Mill 1-to-1 Baking Flour is a cup-for-cup substitute for white flour in recipes like this, and it is still a light, fluffy result very similar to traditional flour.

You could turn this recipe into cupcakes (how cute would that be??) and the fruit on top is totally your choice!! We love blueberries, strawberries and raspberries so we went with that!

Though we don’t eat a ton of desserts or sweets, lemon is definitely always a win in our household. Reese especially with this cake has loved it and has eaten a small slice the past few nights after her dinner. If you make it, tell me in the comments or post a favorite cake recipe of your own!

Relationship Talk: Having Those BIG Conversations

Duh factor: no one LIKES to fight. Confrontation is hard, conflict makes us all feel uncomfy, and relationships can be so damn TOUGH. Especially when you’re in the one for the long haul. Everyone remembers their elementary boyfriends right? Or middle, or high school? Some of those looked like, “Hey, will you go OUT with me?” and thirty seconds later getting dumped by the jackass who was supposedly your boyfriend. Yeah, I’m not talking about THOSE relationships… so let’s cut to the chase now. I asked on Instagram recently for people to suggest some topics that THEY would benefit from, and what they wanted to hear from Asa and I; ya know, the oldies who’ve been married for twelve years!! [K, I get it, 12 years sounds like baby years to many of you reading this but I’ve also got the crowd of gals who are thinking, TWELVE YEARS?!?! THAT’S SOOOOO LONG!!] So, just keep reading because here is where Asa and I take turns sharing our hearts on having those BIG CONVERSATIONS……….

I remember one of my first fights with Ashley, she was clearly trying to get ME to end it with her. She was saying everything except “I want to break up”. The conversation/argument felt meaningless the longer it went on. So I leaned in, kissed her forehead and said “I’m not doing your dirty work for you. If you want out, you’ll have to do it yourself. I’m here for the long haul”. It was sort of a turning point for us. A maturation in our relationship. We started learning to shift our fights and conversations from “How do I win and prove my point” to “How do we grow through this as a couple.” It seems like such a small thing, but really, it’s one of the most important mental shifts we’ve ever made. 

Reading the blurb above from Asa made me wanna pop him—y’all know he did that same exact thing when I peed on the pregnancy stick and screamed, “What the F are we going to do?!” when I discovered we were pregnant…again?! He leaned over, kissed my forehead, and told me I’d have to break up with him if I wanted out…. I’m KIDDING. He so calmly and sweetly said, “We’re going to have a baby!” Yes, he’s generally the calm and level headed one, surprise surprise. But I don’t want you to think for a moment that our conversations or disagreements or arguments are always that EASY. Because they’re not. I remember that exact memory he recalled where I was trying to sabotage our relationship. And while it clearly worked out for us, and we DID mature and shift our fights and discussions; we still at times DO need to remind ourselves, “We can grow through this together…” 2020 Asa and Ashley also saw some serious maturation. The things that used to set us off and blow up as full blown fights have significantly diffused. We’ve learned when one of us is mad, especially REAL mad, picking at one another just won’t end well. We respect each other enough to give space, provide some time to step away, and nine times out of ten anymore we don’t get into yelling matches. (Lord, y’all, I’m going to eat my words aren’t I? Watch, tomorrow we’re going to lose our minds………………

Ashley and I both have a childhood upbringing in Church. We were raised in Christian homes by Christian parents who also had very different beliefs and views. If you have been a part of Christian culture for any length of time you already know they are one of the most divided groups. Christians bicker over scripture and interpretation of scripture at an unbelievable rate. Want some simple proof? According to Google, there are 30,000 denominations of Christianity world wide. Each one clearly believing their own unique brand of interpretation is the best. I digress, this post isn’t about the church. But it did lead her and I into some really heated and hard conversations about faith, what we believed, and how we practiced our faith. Some really, really big fights came out of it…

Yes, we were both raised in Christian homes by incredible parents. Very different parents. Very different churches. I have never ever been good at memorization and I don’t know the Bible super WELL, but I DO remember this verse (and have zero recollection when I actually memorized it): “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers, for what does darkness have in common with light?” [Don’t Google that, I was off in the exact words but you get the gist.] Friends— My point is, you NEED to have those faith filled conversations BEFORE you say you are IN it (your relationship) for the LONG haul. ESPECIALLY if you’re thinking marriage. Both Asa and I ARE Believers. We love Jesus, we seek God in ALL that we do; but y’all, we learned a LOT when we decided the church he grew up in and had spent twenty-four years being a part of, was NOT going to be our church home. I remember crying on the phone with my mom early on, (like first few months early on!) SO scared that I HAD made the wrong decision in marrying him. Asa and I had some BIG conversations and ultimately we came out on the other side very strong. Thankfully the Lord showed us how to cling to each other and how to find Him in our grace filled journey towards finding a new church.

Here’s the truth, the closer we got to marriage, the more important things like this were. You simply can’t hide the pillars of who you are early on, and then blitz your partner later with them. For both she and I, the single most important part of our identity then and now is our identity in Christ. So pretending it didn’t matter if we didn’t see eye to eye would have been completely disingenuous. Those conversations had to happen. And not just on religious matters; we had to discuss our plans for college, work, life, kids, previous relationships, sex, family, etc. Nothing could be off limits. Was it hard? Absolutely. Did we get angry and struggle to navigate through it sometimes? Of course. But remember, we were trying to grow through this as a couple, so it was always safe. 

Shew, this topic could get real heavy real quick, so I’ll try to keep it PG and I’ll try not to make anyone too cringy here. If you’re anything like me, you had some emotional baggage going into marriage. Beyond just ‘emotional baggage,’ maybe you even had experienced past sexual trauma. Is that hard for me to write in a blog post, shared on the Internet for God Knows Who to read? Sure, a little. But it’s the truth. It’s part of my story. As an eighteen year old and moving to a brand new city, I fell into the hands and life of a man and boss who did NOT have my best interest in mind. Shit happened, and while I take a weird sense of pride in exclaiming I never had sex with him, I didn’t have to for the toil everything that DID happen, to completely wreak havoc into parts of my married sex life. This is where BIG CONVERSATIONS are important, and SO MUCH SO in having them before you walk down the aisle; before you are lying in bed next to the amazing person you just committed your life to. A couple once told us they NEVER wanted to discuss with one another their past relationships (especially sexual it seemed.) We were both shocked because, friends, intimacy is not an area that any of us will (or should) take lightly. Knowing what is okay and what is NOT okay (in the bedroom and beyond), is so crucial. There are times and moments that I am easily triggered, and if Asa did not KNOW my past?? I cannot imagine what that part of our life would look like? Have the big talks. Be honest with one another. Am I saying you have to share every single nitty gritty detailed full event with your partner/spouse? Not at all…but I do encourage you to be honest and patient and to continuously pray and seek grace TOGETHER.

Here is the thing, we found out that what she and I were taught growing up shaped us, molded us, but didn’t define us. We took who we were raised to be, and grew into new people together. When topics that really were hard came up l(like sex, or kids, or where we would live)… we learned to work through it with love and patience. Ashley told me when we were dating that she never wanted children. (She can share more of that later or maybe she already has.) I told her that I wouldn’t force the issue, but that I had always said “If I have one kid, I’ll have two. No more than three”. I think you know how that story ends. Because early on, our understanding of who we are, and what we want would change a hundred times over. And big conversations have to happen in every facet of your relationship, and often, more than once. We STILL have big conversations. About money, future land, what we want to watch on Netflix, big important things. Those conversations are hard at times (especially the Netflix part…), but they get easier the more love and trust grows between us. I am confident when we need to have hard conversations, about big important topics, that despite the potential for hurt feelings, anger and resentment, the goal is always “How do we grow through this together?”

I love him. Isn’t he good? It’s so fun to read what Asa wrote throughout (we write these separately!) and to find my own thoughts and words and memories to fill in the spaces. But anyway—the point is, you can do this. And if you have zero desire TO do this with the person you are dating, you may want to do some soul searching and praying. If you’re married and this blog post has you freaked out, don’t let it. We KNOW having big conversations and tough talks are HARD. Relationships are hard, marriage is HARD. But it is also beautiful. I cannot imagine being with anyone else who knows literally ALL my deepest and darkest secrets, who has SEEN so much of my ugly, and who still chooses me over, and over, and over again. But hey, we are still human. We definitely have moments where we really don’t like each other, but we DO love each other. And we choose EACH OTHER, always. How do we grow through this together?

Lots of prayer (together), lots of laughter, lots of Netflix, and lots of love and grace.

A Mama's Feelings About The Pandemic

“Dad, I’m sorry I made new friends and wanted to play with them.”

-Reese Elisabeth. January 19, 2021

Unprovoked, not guilted, not shamed, not scolded. Just a girl who felt badly today when she rode her bike in the neighborhood and excitedly saw some girls close to her age.

F THIS PANDEMIC.

That’s how I feel. That’s how we feel. And I would bet it’s how YOU feel too.

How old are your kids? Reese is seven years old, Pierson is eight. And this is their childhood. When every day, we are reminded that the world around us is CRUMBLING, still, with the global pandemic. It’s been no one’s FAULT. A LOT of people have gotten sick, are sick, I will never poo poo that.

But right now, my heart hurts for kids. Asa grew up in a subdivision type neighborhood and remembers riding his bike ALL day with friends from all over it. Being outside for hours on end, running and playing….and since I grew up in the country and NOT in a neighborhood, I just remember playing with the cows next door and having ZERO issues. I’m kiddingggggg, I remember going to church every Sunday and playing with my best friends, and I have all the best memories of playing Barbie dolls, going for walks and just enjoying being a GIRL.

The past year? My kids were robbed of that. Will there be other times and moments for them to make friends? Sure. But read the quote at the start of this post again. “I’m sorry I made new friends and wanted to play with them.”

There’s really nothing I can do to FIX this. Both Asa and I are getting the covid vaccine soon (Asa on FRIDAY of this week); as teachers in a huge district and the need for these kids to GO back to in person classes, we believe it’s what is best. And you know what? I hope and pray that the ‘right amount’ of people will GET vaccinated, and that the spread will lessen insanely. I hope and pray my kids can run and play and be wild and crazy and play tag and hide and seek and ride bikes and go IN the houses of FRIENDS.

My sweet girl. The one I was so shocked and frankly upset to be pregnant with EIGHT years ago this week. She’s my warrior. My spitfire. My Spunky Brewster.

When Asa Glass kissed my forehead that day and said, “We’re going to have a baby,” little did he or WE know…how stinking BLESSED we would be. Oh how I remember those thoughts: I wasn’t ready to be pregnant AGAIN, or to have a baby AGAIN. And look at her now. Reese has big feelings (like her mama) and she has a huge heart. She’s an extrovert at large and thrives on relationships. Friends are her love language (like her daddy.)

Our kids, Y’all. They’re not perfect but man do they have hearts of gold! If you’re hurting for your kids lately, will you comment on this post? We are in this together, mamas (and daddies) and friends and family. Asa shared to his Twitter account how he was sad for Reese with her statement and he had two friends immediately respond: “It’s hard for a 39 year old.” “And a 37…”

It’s HARD! And I’m giving you a big, giant, smothered HUG right now!

“Blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, and whose hope is the LORD.” -Jeremiah 17:7

xx